"Ok, now we need a desk lamp."

"I made a list from the website! Our options are Jansjö, Ranarp, Forså, Hektar—"

Suddenly, with an unearthly roar, the stench of brimstone filled the air. In a swirl of smoke and flame, a dark figure appeared, with robes of pure shadow and fiery eyes.

"WHAT FOOLISH MORTAL DARES SUMMON ME, THE MIGHTY—" The demon stopped abruptly. It frowned at the tasteful Swedish pine furniture on display, then sighed. "Dammit, not again."

@InvaderXan this awesome tidbit makes me picture another scene in which careful sorcerers keep a collection of IKEA desk lamps near the conjuring circle in case things get out of hand and they need an excuse

I'm now picturing the demon sighing, putting on a scorched vest with a nametag that is nothing but consonants, perching a tiny pair of glasses on their snout, and offering them a selection of upgraded enchanted furniture. Lamps that serve as wards, desks that boost mental focus, beds that offer minor healing, moving paintings that enhance mental health, etc.
Free delivery, but assembly will require a two goat sacrifice.


"Excellent. Just sign here for delivery."

"Wait, but... this isn't the same form. And what's this about a soul?"

"A contract with standard company jargon, I assure you. Soul is... Swedish. For satisfaction."

"This isn't even paper, it's... Oh my gosh, is this–"

"–an environmentally friendly paper substitute. Very popular in hell."

"Well... ok. Oh, this pen has red ink? That's unusual."

"Heh. Yes. 'Ink'..."

@InvaderXan As someone who speaks Swedish I find the idea of it being an ancient demon-summoning language incredibly funny, it's entirely mundane to me

@amandag Right? I just found the idea pretty hilarious that a bunch of mundane words might just happen to also be some powerful ancient incantation 😂 also, I’m not sure if those words up there actually mean anything, but they were names of actual IKEA desk lamps when I first wrote this

@InvaderXan jan is a name, sjö means lake, forså means like, river stream, ranarp is the name of a small town in southern Sweden, and a hektar is 100×100m.

Also, my native language is Danish not Swedish so I had to ask my gf for help so thanks to her for the knowledge, some of these names are a bit weird

@amandag These are all such bizarre things to name a desk lamp!

@InvaderXan As far as I understand it, most of the time they just follow the naming scheme for small Swedish towns, which incidentally means most of them have the same name as actual towns. Sometimes it's just completely nonsensical though, this moose shaped rocking chair is called squirrel (ekorre), as an example.

@amandag If I'm honest, the dissonance in a name that nonsensical is pretty funny 😂

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