"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is, I'm sure you're lovely, but," the princess considered her words, "I'm only into women. Sorry kid."

The knight was silent for a while. "I should be truthful too. I'm not a man. You're the first person I've told."

🐉

"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is, I'm sure you're lovely, but," the princess considered her words, "I'm only into women. Sorry kid."

He laughed, "actually, I didn't even want to be here. It was my sister who sent me."

"...is she cute?"

🐉

Show thread

"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is," the princess said casually, "I'm asexual and aromantic."

He shrugged. "Creepy tradition anyway, if you ask me."

"Hey, can we get out of here though?"

"Sure. Do you fancy going for an ale?"

"Yes please!"

🐉

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"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and–"

"–and you're worried I'll be upset because the story was wrong and you're a prince instead?"

He looked up hopefully. "You're not?"

"Of course I'm not!" the knight grinned. "I mean, just look at you!"

"So err," he laughed nervously, "aren't we also supposed to get married?"

"Let's not rush this. Good relationships take time."

🐉

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"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get... married? Wait." The knight took off his helmet and scratched his brow, puzzled. "I'm getting some serious déja vu here."

The princess frowned. "Yeah, me too. Weird."

🐉

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"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished.

“Well,” said the princess, “I hate to be rude, but you seem to be slightly... Dead. You do know you’re a ghost, right?”

“Oh! That. Yeah.” She grinned, apologetic. “I made it past the dragon. Just not alive.”

The princess shrugged. “I guess that works. We can figure something out.”

👻

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The knight looked around the empty chamber. He was sure this was the right place. So why was this tower empty? There wasn't even a dragon outside.

Pinned to the bedpost with a small silver dagger was a handwritten note:

‘Needed toothpaste and dragon food.
Gone out to town.
Back soon x’

🛒

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"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is, I'm sure you're lovely, but," the princess considered her words, "I'm only into women. Sorry kid."

The knight took off her helmet. “Well, that’s convenient!” she laughed.

The princess grinned and bit her lip.

🐉

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"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and–"

“Wait, wait,” the knight lifted his helmet visor to show his frown, “there’s a princess too?”

“Is that not why you came here?” asked the dragon.

“I’ve met princesses before,” said the knight, “but it’s not every day I get to see a dragon!”

🐲

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Follow

"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the–” they stopped abruptly with a frown.

“I know. There’s no gender neutral variant of princess. Frustrating, isn’t it?”

“Unfair, really,” they sighed. “Knight is a gender neutral term.”

“Well, kinda?” The knight shrugged. “Technically it’s male by default, like doctor, because it used to be a job women weren't allowed to do."

“Ugh. So patriarchal.”

“I know, right?”

⚔️

"Listen," she said in confusion, "I know how this is supposed to go. There’s supposed to be a knight. Who are you?”

“Goblin.”

“Yes, I can see that.”

“Strong goblin! Skilful goblin! Pass dragon. Climb tower. Find princess!”

“This is not exactly how I imagined this going.”

“You come with goblin?”

“Um...”

“Goblin city have no leader. You come! Be Goblin Queen!”

She sighed and shrugged. “Eh, why not? As long as I don’t have to marry you.”

“Ew. Gross.”

🐉

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"So, you know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess–"

“–yes," the knight cut in, "I know. We have this the wrong way around."

"I never defeated a dragon before," the princess flourished her sword proudly, "but how did you end up locked in a tower?"

"I never wanted to be a knight," he sighed, "I'm terrible at it. I wanted to be a baker."

"You can be whatever you wish." The princess held out her hand. "Come."

🐉

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"Listen," she said, frustrated but calm, "You know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

“–get married.”

A restrained nod. "And you remember our deal?"

"...yes?”

“So just WHY,” the princess yelled in anger, “did you EAT the GOD DAMN KNIGHT??”

“I... was hungry?” The dragon looked sheepish. “I’m sorry! Old habits are hard to break!

“I’m never going to find anyone at this rate.”

🐉

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"Listen," she said quietly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and blah blah blah."

The knight raised an eyebrow.

"But I can't just leave right now." The princess gestured to a nest with three large dragon eggs. "I promised the dragon I'd be her nurse maid."

"Oh," his eyes widened with realisation. "Ohhhh! Hey, can I stay? I could knit them little sweaters! Do dragons wear sweaters?"

🥚

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”Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the... wait a second!”

“What is it?”

The princess scowled. “You’d better not have hurt my dragon!“

“No, no,” the knight raised her hands disarmingly, “he’s asleep out in the entrance hall. I just snuck past.”

She looked relieved. “Thank goodness. I don’t know what I’d do without Raspberry.”

“His name is Raspberry??”

🐉

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"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. I get past the dragon, rescue the princess and we’re supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah.”

"Ok." Confused, he scratched his moustache and adjusted his hat. "So who are you, exactly?”

“My name’s Toad.” The little mushroom-headed boy shrugged apologetically. “Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle.”

🍄

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"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they–"

"–get married and everything yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

“I’m not actually a princess though,” he said. “But it’s not like I was able to transition properly, stuck in this tower.”

The knight nodded. “I started my transition two years ago,” he said, reassuringly. “I could maybe help you out with that, if you’d like?”

🐉

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"Are we still doing this?" she asked dryly.

"Yeah," the knight shrugged. "The writer seems to be flogging a dead dragon."

"Wait, is the dragon dead?" the princess asked, "or just asleep?"

"Depends on the continuity," mused the dragon, "I think I'm usually alive, but I'm pretty sure you both killed me at least once."

"So you're like Schrödinger's dragon?" the knight grinned.

"Don't make me eat you again, tin can."

🐉

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"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished.

“Well,” said the princess, “I hate to be rude, but you seem to be slightly... Dead. You do know you’re a ghost, right?”

The knight took a closer look at one of his transparent hands. He seemed faintly annoyed. “How the hell did that happen? I swear I was alive when I left the house.”

👻

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@InvaderXan I think it helps that we all have a goblin voice in our heads that we can imagine

@maloki For this little guy, I was thinking one of those goblins from The Labyrinth. The princess is basically going to be David Bowie in a few years.

@InvaderXan we watched this like two nights ago. 😅

@InvaderXan how did i miss the Tower Variations before? these are delightful 😄

@vyr I'm glad you like them! I was going to just leave it at the first four, but then I found myself having some other ideas 🙂

@InvaderXan "Look, I know how this is supposed to go, the knight gets past the dragon and—"

"—rescues the princess?" the knight finished hopefully.

"But you see, the Forest likes having a princess and a dragon to eat the fruit and scare off the lumberjacks."

"... I could stay? I'm good with weeds?"

@InvaderXan "Look, I know how this is supposed to go, the knight gets past the dragon—" she started.

"—and rescues the princess?" the knight finished hopefully.

"But you see the tower is almost done!"

"I have a horse, we could help haul stones?"

@InvaderXan "Look, I know how this is supposed to go—” she started.

"—the knight gets past the dragon and—”

"Look over your shoulder," the princess interrupted politely. "She just thought I might appreciate a visitor. Do you play chess?"

@Mayana Xan showed how lovely these could be and I couldn't resist trying my hand.

@InvaderXan "Look, I know how this is supposed to go—” he started.

"—the knight gets past the dragon and rescues the princess—" she said hintingly.

"—but your dragon is fascinating. Can you give these drawings and research notes to the Wizard when you get back to the city? And ask her to send more ink and paper?"

@InvaderXan
"Look, we both know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess, and they're supposed to--"

"I know!" the dragon interrupted with a guilty expression. "I know, I just... was hoping for... I don't know."

"I have to admit, this isn't how I was expecting this to go either," the knight said, removing her helmet and shaking her head. "Is there even a princess in there?"

"... no." The dragon shuffled, wings fluttering uncertainly. "I'm too young to have much of a hoard, and too small to actually attack a fortified castle, so how would I even get a princess?"

"Well, you could just ask," the knight replied with a growing mischievous smile.

"Wait, you're a knight, and also...?"

"Princesses need hobbies too," she said casually, tucking her helmet under her arm. "And friends. If you can shift, I brought lunch for two..."

"Of course!" the dragon said, shape melting and flowing down to an androgynous adult human. "I picked up a crate of books years ago and I've been wanting to talk them over with someone for the longest time!"

@troodon @InvaderXan

“Look, we all know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess, and then they’re supposed to—“

“—get married,” sighed the knight. “I know I came here to find you at first, but then your dragon—I mean, Guivre and I—we started talking, and one thing led to another, and I’ve never felt so—I’m sorry, I just can’t!”

“Listen, kid,” said the princess. “Why do you think Guivre finally brought you up here to see me? You two have been perfect for each other since the day you showed up, and I’m not about to break either of your hearts. Now are you going to ask for my blessing or not?”

“But you’re all right with—you mean we could—oh, Your Highness—” The knight’s voice broke and she nodded wordlessly, tears streaming down her face.

“Then you have it.” The princess stood up from her desk. “By the power vested in me—“

And they lived happily ever afterward to the end of their days.

@troodon @InvaderXan
“Look, we all know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess, and then they’re supposed to—“

“—get married,” sighed the knight. “But if you two are already—“

The princess laughed. “Why do you think Guivre let you up here to see me? She likes you too, and I can see why. Besides, who do you think *writes* the marriage laws in an absolute monarchy like this one?”

And they all lived happily ever afterward to the end of their days.

@InvaderXan "Listen," she said, amused, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the dragon finished. "I don't think it's going to happen today."

Two knights from neighboring kingdoms had showed up on the same day.

"They're very… enthusiastic."

"Must have a lot in common. Probably both trained for years in dungeoneering and dragon lore. Probably didn't have a lot of time to date."

They were currently armorless and half-naked, making out, muscled chests pressed against each other, ignoring the princess and the dragon both.

"I'm happy for them, really! But while this is exciting, it's verging on inappropriate. If this goes on any further, frankly… well, I barely know either of them, and it Wouldn't Do."

"You and me both, kid."

The princess chucked a small uncut ruby from the hoard at the two burly men. They paused and looked to her.

"Oi! You lot! Take this! Go home! Get a room!"

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go." said the dragon said. "The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and–"

"Yeah, yeah, been there, done that already, buddy! i don't quite know how many times it's been! We're stuck in a time loop..." the time traveler replied.

"So, you won't mind if I eat you
just this once, right?" the dragon asked, already drooling with their mouth all open. "I'm late for a snack."

"..."

#tootfic #microfiction

@InvaderXan

@InvaderXan Ah, yes, this is the type of story I was after. <3

@InvaderXan "Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"But you just had to try it out didn't you? Where did you even get the armor?"

The dragon lifted the helmet, beaming. "I made it myself! Apparently there's this thing called 'cosplaying' and it just looked so interesting!"

🐉
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

@InvaderXan i... feel like there's more to this one. or at least, more than the dragon cares to admit.

@thamesynne It's a mutually beneficial agreement. A big part of it involves the dragon not eating the knights in exchange for the princess getting them to agree not to do any dragon slaying.

"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go" the dragon said. "The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and–"

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid we don't quite deal with that kind of stories..." the ideas merchant said, "but we do deal in stories, just not ones with paternalistic narrative..."

"I... errr what?"

"But I'm sure we can find a story for a dragon such as you!"

"Actually, I'm a dragon writer and I needed better ideas, so do go on, please!"

#microfiction #tootfic
@InvaderXan

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