"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is, I'm sure you're lovely, but," the princess considered her words, "I'm only into women. Sorry kid."

The knight was silent for a while. "I should be truthful too. I'm not a man. You're the first person I've told."

🐉

"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is, I'm sure you're lovely, but," the princess considered her words, "I'm only into women. Sorry kid."

He laughed, "actually, I didn't even want to be here. It was my sister who sent me."

"...is she cute?"

🐉

Show thread

"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is," the princess said casually, "I'm asexual and aromantic."

He shrugged. "Creepy tradition anyway, if you ask me."

"Hey, can we get out of here though?"

"Sure. Do you fancy going for an ale?"

"Yes please!"

🐉

Show thread

"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and–"

"–and you're worried I'll be upset because the story was wrong and you're a prince instead?"

He looked up hopefully. "You're not?"

"Of course I'm not!" the knight grinned. "I mean, just look at you!"

"So err," he laughed nervously, "aren't we also supposed to get married?"

"Let's not rush this. Good relationships take time."

🐉

Show thread

"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get... married? Wait." The knight took off his helmet and scratched his brow, puzzled. "I'm getting some serious déja vu here."

The princess frowned. "Yeah, me too. Weird."

🐉

Show thread

"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished.

“Well,” said the princess, “I hate to be rude, but you seem to be slightly... Dead. You do know you’re a ghost, right?”

“Oh! That. Yeah.” She grinned, apologetic. “I made it past the dragon. Just not alive.”

The princess shrugged. “I guess that works. We can figure something out.”

👻

Show thread

The knight looked around the empty chamber. He was sure this was the right place. So why was this tower empty? There wasn't even a dragon outside.

Pinned to the bedpost with a small silver dagger was a handwritten note:

‘Needed toothpaste and dragon food.
Gone out to town.
Back soon x’

🛒

Show thread

"Listen," she said dryly, "I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and they're supposed to–"

"–get married and everything, yeah," the knight finished. "It feels clichéed to me too."

"The truth is, I'm sure you're lovely, but," the princess considered her words, "I'm only into women. Sorry kid."

The knight took off her helmet. “Well, that’s convenient!” she laughed.

The princess grinned and bit her lip.

🐉

Show thread

"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the princess and–"

“Wait, wait,” the knight lifted his helmet visor to show his frown, “there’s a princess too?”

“Is that not why you came here?” asked the dragon.

“I’ve met princesses before,” said the knight, “but it’s not every day I get to see a dragon!”

🐲

Show thread

"Listen, I know how this is supposed to go. The knight gets past the dragon, rescues the–” they stopped abruptly with a frown.

“I know. There’s no gender neutral variant of princess. Frustrating, isn’t it?”

“Unfair, really,” they sighed. “Knight is a gender neutral term.”

“Well, kinda?” The knight shrugged. “Technically it’s male by default, like doctor, because it used to be a job women weren't allowed to do."

“Ugh. So patriarchal.”

“I know, right?”

⚔️

Show thread

"Listen," she said in confusion, "I know how this is supposed to go. There’s supposed to be a knight. Who are you?”

“Goblin.”

“Yes, I can see that.”

“Strong goblin! Skilful goblin! Pass dragon. Climb tower. Find princess!”

“This is not exactly how I imagined this going.”

“You come with goblin?”

“Um...”

“Goblin city have no leader. You come! Be Goblin Queen!”

She sighed and shrugged. “Eh, why not? As long as I don’t have to marry you.”

“Ew. Gross.”

🐉

Show thread
Follow

@maloki @QueenMollyBones I think it's one of my favourites so far, too 😂

· · Web · 1 · 0 · 2

@InvaderXan I think it helps that we all have a goblin voice in our heads that we can imagine

@maloki For this little guy, I was thinking one of those goblins from The Labyrinth. The princess is basically going to be David Bowie in a few years.

@InvaderXan we watched this like two nights ago. 😅

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Writing Exchange

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!