Really helpful thing I've learned and like to keep in mind:

πŸ‘‰People are just like you. People are nothing like you.

It means people are more similar to you than you automatically assume, and people are more different than you automatically assume, and those two things persist together.

The things I have learned about personality types/communication styles & life exposure to new people show me we are different, and the deeper loving part of me shows me we are the same. Both.

Hi writing.exchange!

I'm looking for a bit of . I'm working on a book project that follows a group of (fictional) & folks over the course of a year. It will have a strong focus on their fierce independence, creativity, resourcefulness & the power of disabled solidarity.

In order to make their stories real and diverse I'm conducting ~20 (paid) interviews with a variety of disabled and chronically ill people. Where is the best place to post asking about this?

Stop obsessing over things you don't like.

This advice is important to me as an empath. I'm pretty good about doing this but it's a good reminder. Also, a reminder that people who do obsess about stuff they don't like are very draining to me and I should avoid them.

What is the use for the very common human tendancy to look too far ahead to the larger goal and become paralyzed with fear at it's insurmountability, instead of taking things one step at a time and seeing the small steps that need to be done?

Is there some sort of evolutionary benefit to this default human setting?

Everyone I know defaults to this unhelpful mindset and actually has to work to overcome it.

What purpose does this default serve????

This can definitely apply to non-Rebel's too. Think about the good feels you get when your friends and cheerleaders react to your well-intentioned proclamation that you'll do [New Thing].

Endorphins get released. There's a little high. You might even get addicted to proclaiming, not the actual doing of [New Things].

For Rebels like myself tho, if I tell you I'll do a thing, you now have me pegged as Doer Of Thing and that drives me nuts, making me not want to do The Thing.

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The Cards asked today "what is your plan for the next 5 years?" and I said to my SO, "I can't tell you because that will make me not want to do it anymore"

Yep. If I tell someone I'm going to do something, it makes me not want to do it. I used to think I was insane/crazy/lazy/broken/dumb but now I understand I'm just a Rebel (of the Four Tendencies ~ Gretchen Rubin)

I realized that the drive to surprise people with something cool I DID, not will do, is a huge motivator.

I have a friend who strongly believes your SO should not be your "best friend".

I have always disagreed, as mine is my best friend πŸ€”

Today, The Cards asked if you and your partner were not together tomorrow, what 3 things would you miss about them?

I'd miss having someone who knows me so well. I can talk to them about anything, friend zone or intimate, @ any time. As an introvert I'd feel suppressed without my BFF/SO combo.

But I'm interested to hear supporting points for my friend's POV

From the aforementioned cards:

"What is a lie you have told yourself so often that you have convinced yourself is true?"

My first thought was I tell myself that I am smart when that's a lie.

BUT THEN! I realized, no, the part that thinks that is a lie IS THE LIE. The lie is the part of me that tries to convince me that I am not smart. 🀯

Oh also, made a hashtag for this kind of stuff going forward

from the book (The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin) I learned that as soon as I declare I am going to do something I am at a huge risk of losing the desire to do it, so guess what, I may or may not use this hashtag to post future stuff! I do whatever I want ok!

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I feel like the point of life is to just keep learning.

Here's stuff I've learned lately that I'm excited about:

A deck of cards made me realize a book has changed my life.

πŸƒ Deck of cards in question: amzn.com/B07W1PVNFC

πŸ“” Book in question: amzn.com/1524760919

Due to this book, I finally understand why I seem to rebel for no reason, and why I can't even make my own self do things. Because my tendency is Rebel, for christ's sake! I get it now!

Also, I highly recommend those cards! 😍

(2/2) Writing does straighten them into neater rows, but writing is also like prying them out from small oddly shaped holes with needle-nosed plyers. It's tiring and tricky. And doing it consistently is strenuous. Only once I step back from the process for a minute do I decide once again it is a good practice to keep.

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(1/2) I'm introverted. My mind is my greatest possession and I am constantly honing and exploring it, churning things around, pushing and kneading. My thoughts are very deep inside my mind and very complex, like swirling colors in an oily puddle, but the puddle runs as deep as the ocean and I can see things moving around down there. My thoughts and feelings (often one and the same) are hard to uncover, even to myself.

Semantics matter but they also don't.

When arguing, you can get hung up on words and angrily point at them while missing the point of real connection and conversation.

But it also matters wholy because without accurate words, how can we hope to understand each other.

The point is to learn which one is most important when.

I need to remember to be in the moment and find how that actually plays out in my head. So far, it's thinking to myself 'Oh well, that thing you're worrying about isn't important to the way you want to feel and you don't have to think about it looking forward or backward in time. Just simply drop it.'

Meditation is a new skill I'm learning and it really helps with this. Thank goodness for Headspace.

(continued)
πŸ‘‰Love-based beliefs/thoughts: I am of everyone else, everyone else is of me. I forgive. I am at peace. I welcome all.

Love is freedom, of thought and of future. Love is response, not reaction. Love is the gift of living without ego, as something infinitely more.

Fear is constriction, self-imposed prison of mind & perspective. Fear is reaction, not response. Fear is ego. Fear is defense. Fear is small and fragile.

Choosing love brings more fear-love crossroads. Always choose love.

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Fear or love.

Those are the only two options humans have for emotions. All other emotions boil down to either fear or love. They cannot exist at the same time, much like light cannot exist where there is shadow.

In every opinion you form, in every reaction, you have a choice. Is it based in love or fear?

πŸ‘‰ Fear-based beliefs/thoughts: I am better than someone. A group of people are "other/different" than me. I am angry. I hate something/someone. I feel guilty. I feel anxious.

(continued)

Always assume positive intent. No other habit has brought me such happy outcomes.

If you think too long from a victim mindset (the world happens to me, people are scheming for the worst), you will accidentally bring about the outcomes you fear.

Today I helped a friend remember this and step back from the foundations of negative thinking. That road only leads down.

βœ’οΈOn being alive vs. not 

Life is too painful for my tastes. I like how E.B. White explains a small part of it.

When asked, β€œWhat disturbs him now about himself?” E. B. White answered, β€˜I am bothered chiefly by my little fears that are the same as they were almost 70 years ago. I was born scared and am still scared. This has sometimes tested my courage almost beyond endurance.’”

-- E.B. White, quoted in β€œNotes and Comment by Author,” by Israel Shenker, New York Times, July 11, 1969

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βœ’οΈOn being alive vs. not 

Something that I never disclose because of fear of being misunderstood: I find the state of being alive a constant minor level of agony. If I were not alive, I would be more at ease. It's not that I want to die, it's that I know that to me this state of being, compared to the next one, is more painful. I'm sure it's a lesson I have to learn this go-around. My husband's view is more positive, yet he sympathetically understands mine. My view feels quite lonely, though. πŸ€”

βœ’οΈ Love Language for receiving but not giving? 

How can my secondary love language, physical touch, be so unnatural for me to initiate? I CRAVE being touched by my friends, family, and husband. Yet it doesn't come naturally to me or even occur to me to give those pats on the shoulders or the impromptu hugs. My primary LL, quality time, is baked into my bones and it is the color on all my thoughts. But physical touch just hides away inside, waiting for someone else to hug it out of me. πŸ€”

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