Mara Cavanaugh @mara_cav_@writing.exchange

If anyone is ever feeling suicidal please dm me. I'm not a certified anything, but I've been close to suicide.

I am always here to be a nonjudgmental listening ear. I may not be able to respond right away because I have a job and other adult obligations, but I will always respond eventually.

I can't convince you to live. I can try, but ultimately that's on you.

What I can do is be your moral support cheerleader here on the Fediverse.

So I'm here.

And you will never bother me.

Decided to make another account for my everyday general tomfoolery: @mara_cav

I'll still be active here with writing and whatnot, but I'll be my unfiltered self there.

Note: If I make grammatical mistakes in my toots, I'm just mentally stimulated at the time. If I delete and retoot it's likely because of cringe grammar.

Currently working on nixing that with some grammar workbooks.

I'm always down to chat, so hit me up if you wanna talk or just share memes.

Regardless, this girl has written 20,000 words this month and she's fucking proud of herself. 😤

Not stopping anytime soon.

I'm a bit apprehensive about getting into world-building, however. When I was super into roleplaying forums, fanfic and the like all I would ever do was create character profile sheets and I almost never actually wrote or went through with the goddamn story. Even though I was much younger when all that happened, it's still a lingering worry of mine now.

Hell to the yeah. Just wrote my daily 1000+ words. I actually wrote close to 1600 words because I was getting super into the universe I was creating. I was prompted today by the Three of Wands tarot card.

I honestly wasn't expecting much from today. But holy crap as I'm writing at least 1000+ words daily so many new stories and interesting concepts are coming out of my mind -- it's wild to me.

#AmWriting

I hate insta-poets but I follow them anyway.

Like all their poems read like pseudo-wisdom and profound crap that's actually bullshit.

Example:

Your titties are pale
so mine
don't have to be

---

This is only my interpretation of their poetry.
It's genius, but at the same time it's not. Honestly I'm just salty cause I'm not as followed and established as them... yet 👀

Does anyone ever truly forgive *and* forget?

I was finally able to get through the first season of The Office, and I'm so happy! I think I love this more than Parks and Rec right now, but I'm only halfway through season two.

This will be fun 😆

Oof, my daily 1000+ done. Wrote about my job and an flash fic piece on two test subjects and their odd tester. I kind of like it, the latter piece. I never thought I could write a story that short and not want to elaborate. Just gotta shape it up and then it might be ready for other eyes.

Woo #AmWriting.

So excited for the Dave Chappelle special coming out...

But where's that next season of BoJack, Netflix??? 👀

Being in a relationship feels like a chore at the moment. I do love him. I like feeling his body beside mine when I reach for my water on the nightstand in the middle of the night. But right now the times that I want to be alone outnumber the times I want to be with him.

I got lost helping a customer today and that was honestly the happiest I felt all day. That and writing an ae freislighe.

I have some savings, nothing crazy. I own a good chunk of my possessions -- the somewhat important things at least. So if I were to leave right now, it wouldn’t be like I left with absolutely nothing. I’d be without shelter and transportation -- two very important things I don’t have on my own yet.

He’s not horrible at all. He’s not abusive. But I feel so sad. I don’t know how to say “I need to leave” when I’m dependent on him. I don’t even want to be seeing other people. I just want to be able to focus on myself and my own development and not worry about maintaining a romantic relationship.

He may not have meant it that way. I know we have a peculiar relationship. But at the end of the day I don’t feel like we’re equal. Which we don’t have to be exactly -- as is the peculiar nature of our relationship. But I want us to be a pair. To have things together.

“I’m thinking I’d like to start practicing driving soon.”
“...”
“...Is that okay?”
“Well, you’re not driving *my* car without insurance.”
“Oh, yeah. I need to check on that with my dad.”
“Yeah, you do. Unless you want to drive around a dead parking lot at three in the morning.”
“...I’ll work on that.”

My daily 1000+ done. Wrote about personal things again.

I feel like I'm slipping and faltering into a disgruntled numbness.