Doubting myself
I used to be sure of myself. I either knew something, I didn't know it and tried to learn about it, or I just wasn't interested and it could not interest me in the slightest way... I used to know stuff, be curious about stuff, want to learn stuff... Sometimes, I went overboard with the gathering of knowledge, as I spent way too much time (and sometimes money) on getting my hands on more info. I learned that it was/is part of my AuDHD, getting the hyperfocus, or a special interest, that would absorb me all the way. These days, I often doubt myself. I guess getting more brain fog symptoms when I got my fibro, and now being made worse at times by the peri-menopause... Also, having been in relationships where I was often told I was wrong, I misunderstood, I just was too stupid to understand... Those things combined, I guess they just added to the increased feelings of anxiety that I have been dealing with. I never had too many issues with it, until I tried to OD, until my life was gone as I knew it... And these days, I am struggling at times... […]https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/03/28/doubting-myself/
I've never been one to be very tidy. Mum always said that if I kept it messy, then I'd lose things. But I always knew where my things were. And in my eyes it wasn't that bad... When I got older, I struggled with cleaning. It was often "good enough" for me, and I'd only make a big effort if I would get visitors. But my "ok enough" was never deemed good enough by the partners I had. However hard I tried, I always failed to meet their standards. It was never worthy of compliment. Or even a thank you, as they all just saw it as my job to keep the home clean...
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