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#imbecile

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B Kahn

Fake News

Alert! trump sneezes. He is told that he may have bird flu. "But I never touch birds!" he protests. He is told the cows are passing it around and he probably got it from a burger. "Is there a vaccine?" he begs. He is told the vaccine is in short supply, costs a lot, and doesn't work for people over 55 years of age. "What will happen?" he whines. "Am I going to die?" He is told he must quarantine at MerryMeLago for six months. He is told that he is highly contagious and must live by himself in a bathroom. He is told food will be slipped under the door. "What about the campaign?" he asks. "What about fund-raising?" He is told to shut up and then I take off my vance disguise and hobble out laughing hysterically. He yells to the secret service to stop me but I tell him that I've live-streamed the whole conversation and he's trending all over the world under #fool and #imbecile and #dumbestExPresidentEver and #BirdBrain. The secret service agents are snickering and some are laughing out loud and a few are rolling around on the floor. I leave. Ollie is waiting for me in the car. He sniffs me all over and makes a face. Even a golden doodle knows when you've been in the same room as a loser.

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